unintentional humor II

"the clams of maria montessori"
- i think she meant claims, but you never know, Italians like the seafood...

"self-drought"
- nicely said.

"psychic devotions"
- its supposed to be psychic deviations but grog like this much better - i think this person is building a temple to miss cleo. Its not like this is in an obscure footnote either - this is the title of the paper...

*call me now!

unintentional humor

recent typos from teacher's papers in a training class:
"umbilical cod" & "sea section"
- apparently a nautical theme for birth

"a souperior being"
- must be a disciple of the f.s.m.

"so sorry for the confusion, and please excuse the incontinence"
- colleague writing to apologize to grog for screw up, hope you day gets better, bob.

*grog

two wheels good. four wheels baaaad.

part one:
grog drove grogette cage (thats what motorcycle people call a car) to work all last week. Amazing how that change grog outlook on day. moreso than usual grog feel like cog in machine - not unique snowflake.


part two:
The Seven Commandments, Animal Farm's original Constitution
1. Whatever goes on two legs is an enemy.
2. Whatever goes on four legs, or has wings, is a friend.
3. No animal shall wear clothes.
4. No animal shall sleep in a bed.
5. No animal shall drink alcohol.
6. No animal shall kill any other animal.
7. All animals are equal.

The Seven Commandments, after the pigs' "revisions"
1. "Four legs good, two legs better!"
2. No animal shall sleep in a bed with sheets.
3. No animal shall drink alcohol to excess.
4. No animal shall kill any other animal without cause.
5. All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.



part three:
propaganda is to politics
as
marketing is to products


*g

I am so over workohol

grog recovering workoholic.

Once upon time grog work very hard, long hours for startup.
promise of grand payoff is enticement, but come at sacrifce of life.

grog like life. now work for fortune 500, they pay, not promise.

point? grog have none. just reflect on last year - happy with change. not working as hard, make more and have time to go to Willie's Picinic.

now if grog just was not in dallas...

*grog, soccer hooligan

appealing, on so many levels

have not seen gnarls barkley's performance from MTV movie awards.

both internal nerd and music geek will be happy, + intro from borat.

mono - DOH!

Lyle Lanley: Well, sir, there's nothing on earth Like a genuine, Bona fide, Electrified, Six-car Monorail! What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty+Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
[crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically]
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud...
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.

Actually the track - or something - actually did bend on the monorail in seattle, so we couldn't ride it. bummer.

more pictures here...

mr. grog goes to washington

just pictures for now - more later...

grog

cave

troll

food

david hasselhoff

F.Y.P.M.

grog freelance for living. in case want to know it really like this (thanks to tim for sending).

and if person who wrote this need job - email grog, grog hire...

grog no name names but a lot of this sound way too familier...

Retarded Clients and their business ventures..

---

Date: 2005-12-14, 1:08PM EST

What is going on? Did someone hand out laptops and wifi to a short-bus full of 'entrepeneurs'?

These are the kinds of postings populating CL (Craigslist)...

"Want site done just like Lavalife. Limited Budget"... sure.. no mind that it's taken years to make that a multi-million dollar site... I'll build one just like it for you on the weekend... for a few hundred bucks!

"Design my portfolio".."For your portfolio"... hmmmn? Design you a portfolio.. to build my portfolio... Genius.. why didn't I think of that sooner. Why bother designing for money when I can fill my 'portfolio' with someone elses never visited, weak-ass content.

"Designer needed. Low budget. Must be reliable, fast and professional." Thanks... for all the project details I mean... It's always good to know the parameters when starting such a dynamic and life-altering project.. and to have bullshit standards imposed by some idiot with no idea what he's talking about.

"Photoshop Guru... or any post with the word Guru in the title"... you want a guru, go shove a holistic herb up your 5th dimension ass cause your in dreamland if you think a frickin' 'GURU' is going to accept any project for less than $75/hour and at a minimum of 5 billable hours..paid upfront.

"Need Help... must have site completed by tomorrow morning!".. well holy shit.. did you ever fuck this up... and if you want one of us to parachute in and save your dumb-ass.. all while working on the stinking pile of visual polution you cheaped out on in the first place... you better have that finger on the Paypal button... and be prepared to shut up and stay up late with us. --Fuckup.

The holy grail of CL creative posts......

"Can't afford to pay much but if this goes well.. will have projects for you in the future".. oh really.. wow... when.. let me get my 2006 scheduler... I can't wait...a whole nother project with a budget of shit.. and I get to wait a whole 4 months for it.. let me clear everything I had planned in my life next year to be sure I can accommodate you.. you fucking jack-ass.

PAY....PAY PAY PAY you cheap fucking degenerates. This is not a fucking charity site. You want a business... be a professional. You want something for free... ask your fucking parents... you want miracles done for no money.. go to church.

Enough already you pathetic dip-shits....

*grog here mos def say live by two words, "Fuck you, pay me"

preschool for marketing

grog want to use grogette's experience teaching toddlers in corporate life.
grog particularly interested in using on marketing people but would work on anyone.

Important phrases for use:

"Jimmy, it appears you have urinated on me again. What should we be doing instead."

"Susie, i can not understand 'Bwagganaaaaaaaa SHfooooomb' - I need you to use your words to tell me whats wrong."

"Bobbie - I can't help you right now Freddie is covered in feces."

"We don't push. Pushing hurts."

"I really like the powerpoint you put together, did you make that for your mommy?"

"My name is grog, not 'meanie' or 'stupid'."

"Johnny, can you put away your work when you are done?"

"Can we use our inside voice please?"

* G-unit

fun with phonics

grog pee self laughing - try dialectizer on your blog... or cnn... or...

* GROG SLAP FRO!

Grog find new religion

http://www.venganza.org/

* Grog love internet.

corporate censorship

grog hate corporate firewall. grog favorite sites blocked. grog no design good without entertainment.

GROG SMASH WALL!!

grog plug sites grog no can visit. hope readers make up for traffic grog no provide to fine companies:

1. www.kexp.org - grog primitive vocabulary no can express how fucking awesome this station is... grog is card carrying member even though no can listen at work
   
2. www.harleydavidson.com - grog say harley davidson is case study of brand loyalty... what other logo people tattoo on body?
3. www.woot.com - grog enter photoshop contest, no win, but buy stuff anyway.

* grog feel better now.

Ceci n'est pas une caveman

some wonder what grog look like - me post portrait. * grog

caveman dating?

grog offered interview for art director for a dating website.

simple caveman internal monologue questions viability of another instinct-driven-time-saving-web-based-thingamajig even if help people make two humped dinosaur.

conversely, it is a dot-com and has advantages over the monolith that is grogs current employer

aside: grog may be caveman but grog no stupid enough to mention employers name. grog may think corporation stupid for not having flash on website until april 2007, but grog also know IT/Security is bored and overpaid.

* grog

Grog make new art

grog make dadist/performance art. make art show. MAKE ART SHOW!

show called bang head on keybord: a retrospective

here piece called "can't find create art button"


__________________________
| rhegtuioahgds |
| sdg ysj923u80 |
| 2$897sdahkads |
| %*&YHjksadkla |
| aa./.,./lasjd |
| kalsjdklsdfds |
| |
_________________grog_____


you like? for sale.

grog art show also include more in series, like:


"stupid computer"
"you want me to do what"
"you can do that in an hour right"
"our budget is getting kinda tight"
"can i have this in blue"
"stupid computer #47"
"no coffee"
"microsoft"
"yeah, i'm gonna need you to move your desk again"
"yeah, i;m gonna need you to work on saturday"
"my cubicle is eating me"
"mouse droppings"

watch artforum for show dates and times.

*grog

Grog need time off from cave drawing

uh, me no know why t-rex design not producing higher ROI metrics.

* grog

Subject: Re: friday

Grog wake up.
Grog ride harley.
Grog design.
Grog get paid.
Grog go home.
Water from sky fall on Grog.
Grog sleep.

* grog repeat.